By Virginia Mburu
Someone is displeased..... by your action
or inaction.....
And so is another person who is
displeased with Mwakazi the Passionate Entrepreneur and owner of Makao Interior
Designers.
Mwakazi
is also displeased by the approach the person used to express the
dissatisfaction. Whereas Mwakazi had erred, this person was
rude and truly lacked tact! Moreover the person criticizing him happened
to be
his junior!
In one of the meetings
with his mentor, he brought up the criticism issue. He gathered that as much as
we do not like criticism, we get to identify our weakness and areas of
improvement.
We need
people who are honest with us to assist us identify these weaknesses. There are
times we are not aware that we have erred. At other times we know we are wrong
but we are so blinded by our egos that we cannot accept the correction!
Most of those who correct us care and desire the best for us otherwise they would keep quiet as they watch us crumble.
Never mind the few who want to attack our self-esteem! You can always know them for they will attack your person not the behavior, action or inaction!
Most of those who correct us care and desire the best for us otherwise they would keep quiet as they watch us crumble.
Never mind the few who want to attack our self-esteem! You can always know them for they will attack your person not the behavior, action or inaction!
Either way Mwakazi realizes that he needs
some tips on how to respond to correction. He is not handling this area as he would wish!
The mentor advised him to review the story of King David, Uriah the diligent
soldier, Bathsheba his wife and Nathan the prophet. This story is found in 2
Samuel 11 and 12.
After a brainstorming session, Mwakazi comes up with 8 tips he now shares with us;
After a brainstorming session, Mwakazi comes up with 8 tips he now shares with us;
Tip 1.....Change your
attitude towards correction.
We need people who care enough to be
honest. If you live with people who do not offer constructive criticism, you
are missing out on a major learning process.
But then, what is our reaction when confronted? Is it to protect our bloated ego? Is it to
take offense, feel rejected, kick off a pity-party? Do you get defensive and shoot
the messenger? Do you declare the person criticizing you an enemy, attack
them and remind them of their many
shortcomings?
Do you dismiss them as having been sent by “enemies of
development"? Do you stop talking to them, malign them or even declare them “persona
non grata’ in your circles? Do you cut them off from your relationships? Do you swear that you
cannot attend common meetings or events?
Make a
commitment to respond, not react! Especially if you........
Tip 2.....Understand the benefits
of correction
Whenever someone expresses his/her
displeasure over a certain issue, know that you have just been handed a golden
opportunity to improve your skills, performance, product, service, relationships
etc.
You are just about to learn what your significant others (customers,
employees, suppliers, colleagues, mentors, spouses, friends, neighbours, etc.) believe
you need to improve. You are just about to progress to the next level of your
success journey! Grab this opportunity and..........
Tip 3.....Be available for
correction
By anyone, a co-worker, a peer, a senior,
a junior, a mentor, a coach, a spouse, a friend a child anyone- even those who
have similar weaknesses!
In 2 Samuel 11, King David had committed adultery with
one Bathsheba who he saw bathing when he missed going out to lead his army in a
battle. Everything that can go wrong did
and Bathsheba (did you note the name has a bath in it) conceives and our clever
king devises a plan to trap Uriah the faithful soldier into believing he is the
father.
However being the ever loyal soldier, he does not break the Army’s code of conduct as
did King David. Now the one trapped is
the king and he came up with a shrewd plan that is certain to work- order the
army commander to place Uriah where the battle is hottest and certainly he is
killed!
King David was now free to take
Bathsheba as his wife and live happily ever after or so he thought! However 2 Samuel 12: 26 continuing to
chapter 12 verse 1 records that “....But the thing David had done displeased the Lord. The Lord
sent Nathan to David. When he came to
him, he said....”
Please not that King David did.......
Please not that King David did.......
Tip 4.....Listen to
understand the issue
Yes-
listen
carefully even if the person is directing the attack to your person and
not the alleged deed or misdeed. You will probably pick something from
they ramble! Master
your body and facial language so that you do not discourage the other
person from expressing their displeasure. You do not have to talk to
convey your reaction.
Listen to understand. You can paraphrase what you heard the person say so that
it is clear to both of you. Remember, they are also nervous (they also do not enjoy
having to critique you unless they have a narcissistic personality disorder) and may not
be able to express himself or herself clearly.
Once you have understood the
issues at hand, thank the person for raising them even though you may not be in
agreement. Appreciate they cared enough
to raise the issue!
Between
verse 7-12, King David listened to what Prophet Nathan had to say about his
transgression and the horrific consequences thereof. Not once did he interrupt!
Whereas King David knew exactly what his error was and did not need further probing, you can.....
Whereas King David knew exactly what his error was and did not need further probing, you can.....
Tip 5.....Probe to get to
the root of the matter
Ask questions to clarify the issues
raised. Get specific examples to illustrate the offense. You can also present
your perspective but let it not be a tug of war. Establish whether this is a
one off incidence or a trend.
King David knew the gravity of the matter at hand and thus he moved to......
Tip 6.....Quickly and sincerely admit the
error
Verse 13-14 “Then David said to Nathan, “I have
sinned against the Lord.” Nathan
replied, “The Lord has taken away
your sin. You are not going to die. But because by doing this
you have shown utter contempt for the Lord, the
son born to you will die.”
When we come face to face with our
weaknesses or areas of improvement, a quick admission serves us better than
denial. It means we can start correcting it faster and continue with our
success journey...even though the consequences hurt to the core.
Who knows – when you quickly and sincerely admit your error, you may even get
some reprieve like King David. The law
was very clear as how to deal with a murderer- He was to be killed! He may have
missed that punishment on himself but an innocent soul suffered and died- the
son born from the adulterous union!
Be open to
counsel. Be a willing learner- Let the
person tell you how they think you can correct the situation. What do they
think are possible solutions? Wow... what a lesson... Now you can close conversation by sincerely thanking them for the
feedback.
Pat yourself on the back too. You have held your cool. You can now.....
Pat yourself on the back too. You have held your cool. You can now.....
Tip 7.....Formulate an action plan to
correct issue raised and deal with the subsequent consequences arising from the error/weakness
You now design an action
plan on what you will do to correct the weakness. You may also need a reporting
plan depending on the issue at hand and the personalities involved- a customer,
a senior, a partner, a shareholder etc.
The consequences of the
deed or misdeed may be immediate or long term. King David faced an immediate consequence- the death of the son born of the
adulterous union.
As if that is not enough, a future calamity awaited him as recorded
in verse
11-12-
“This is what the Lord
says: ‘Out of your own household I am going to bring calamity on you. Before
your very eyes I will take your wives and give them to one who is close to you,
and he will sleep with your wives in broad daylight. You did
it in secret, but I will do this thing in broad daylight before all Israel.’”
No
wonder we see King David pleading his case as recorded in Psalms 51 verse 1-3-- “Have mercy on me, O
God, according to your unfailing love; according to your great compassion blot
out my transgressions. Wash away all my iniquity and cleanse me from my sin. For
I know my transgressions, and my sin is always before me”.
Tip 8.....What about taking charge?
Rather
than waiting for
someone to correct us, what if we are the ones who went to them and
asked for
that feedback? By doing so, we are in a position to protect our fragile
egos as we are the ones who asked not told! What can we do to improve
our products, services, performance,
reports, contributions, behaviours, etc.
Over to you Passionate
Entrepreneur;
- How do you respond to criticism and correction?
- What other tips can you share with the Passionate Entrepreneur Network?
Share with your experiences,
suggestions or questions in the comments section below and help another
Passionate Entrepreneur.
Whatever you do, make sure it
results in less work, more money and positive impact.
Update
Virginia Mburu
Passionate Entrepreneurs Coach
Virginia empowers and motivates
Passionate Entrepreneurs to realize their purpose and pursue it. She then
assists the entrepreneurs to clarify, prioritise and focus on management and
marketing strategies and action plans that will get them to work less, make
more money and positively impact within one year. Access some of her gifts- absolutely free lessons on www.biasharacoach.blogspot.co.ke
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